Soo... boundaries! What a topic. I recognize how much of a struggle it is to begin to put yourself as a priority. Many of my clients are interested in the idea of boundaries but simply have no idea where to begin. Luckily, I've watched enough people work through the process that I've got some ideas. In my experience, it starts with beginning to get clear on your own internal limits. This can include understanding where your values lie, what you're truly willing and able to give in a relationship (work or otherwise), and knowing what's important to you. It also includes an ongoing practice of self-awareness to monitor for signs of burnout. To help get really specific and clear on these things, I've come up with some helpful tools to guide the process. I just kept thinking "there should be a worksheet for this!" and finally decided to make them myself. So here you are... some of my favorite go-to worksheets about understanding your limits, created from my experience with caregivers and kind-hearted individuals of all kinds.
Avoid relationship resentment
When people start working on boundaries, one of the biggest reasons they cite is to reduce resentment in their relationships. Many people find themselves giving up so much in a relationship that they lose themselves in the process. This doesn’t end up serving anyone. Instead, it leads to resentment and bitterness. This worksheet will help you take stock of all you give in a relationship and whether you're giving from a mentality of wanting, willing, or resentful compliance.
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Discover your values
With so many choices available to us in terms of how to spend our time and energy, it can be difficult to prioritize (or even know!) what we really want. Knowing what we want is a good first step in setting boundaries. When we’re clear on what’s important to us, the path ahead also becomes clearer. This worksheet will help you identify your values, and some activities that line up with those values.
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Whole body decision making
Do you have a difficult time making decisions about what’s best for you? These days, it seems many people are taught to prioritize other people’s opinions and values over their own. As a result, you may find you’ve lost touch with what really nourishes you, and what you really want. When that happens, you can feel immobilized and unable to choose a path forward. This worksheet will introduce you to the concept of head, heart, and body decision-making, and help you work through an example.
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Recognize your limits
When you find yourself in a caregiving role, it’s really important to take stock of your own capacity. This will allow you to put your energy where it can be used best, and do your helping work sustainably. This may include caring for a loved one who is actively suicidal, providing care for an aging parent, or engaging in helping work through your job, volunteer, or activist roles. This chart will help you map out what you’re willing AND able to do in any caregiving situation.
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Prevent burnout
Burnout is a mental, emotional, and physical condition characterized by emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and a sense of inefficacy. It is often experienced in helping professions, and can also occur as a result of helping roles you take on in your personal life, including activist work, volunteer roles, or caring for a family member or friend. Read on for some tools to protect yourself.
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A Deeper Relationship With Boundaries
I truly hope you find the worksheets above useful. Please feel free to download and share, as long as my original work is credited. And, if you resonate with some of these ideas on boundaries, I'd love to have you join me in the upcoming 8-week group, Boundaries, Burnout, & The Art of Saying No! Groups are a great opportunity to explore your own boundaries in greater depth with the support of others who can be both your cheerleaders and your accountability partners. In this group, you'll leave with a greater understanding of where your boundaries came from, how they operate in your life now, and what you can do to honor your boundaries going forward. You'll also get some concrete practice with new strategies you can begin using immediately. Please don't hesitate to reach out and find out more, as well as share with anyone you think may benefit.
*Header photo by the amazing Andrea Beca